DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Dustin," has finally decided to marry his live-in girlfriend of four years, "Cameron." They are now planning their wedding, which will take place in four months.
My mother has just informed me that Dustin and Cameron have decided that their wedding will be "adults only" except for Dustin's son. (The boy is 8.) Abby, my brother didn't even have the courage to call me up and inform me of this.
I feel that since it will be an informal, small family event -- fewer than 20 people -- my two children should be allowed to attend. (They are 8 and 3.) Am I being unreasonable? I feel if there is a "no kids" rule, then there should be no kids -- period.
My husband has refused to attend unless our children are included. Should I go alone or not attend? -- FURIOUS IN VANCOUVER, WASH.
You think your brother didn't have the "courage" to call you? No, he's wisely avoiding yet another earful of judgment from his sister who barely registers emotion that he's "finally" marrying his "live-in girlfriend." Couldn't you just say "girlfriend"? That "live-in" part is so transparently judgmental.
I'm sure you've absolutely grilled him over the fact that he's not married to the mother of his son too.
Your kids are 8 and 3? Trust me, they don't want to attend a wedding. They might beg to go and cry because you're not bringing them, but no one enjoys wedding ceremonies--why should small children be the exception?
Your husband is refusing to attend, secretly hoping that the rule is inflexible and he can appear to courageously stand by his principles and babysit the kids. Clearly he doesn't want to attend the wedding either and will make up some blustery moral outrage to avoid going. Congratulations, you're feeding into it instead of demanding your husband act like an adult.
You ask if you should go alone or not at all. My advice is to do your brother a huge favor and stay home with your childish husband and your kids who would rather not be there anyway. Think of it as a much appreciated wedding gift to your brother.
Your advice, readers?
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I totally agree with Furious in Vancouver. I dislike this recent trend that restricts children from attending weddings. Now where will children be able to sneak cups of beer and lose respect for their elders as they stumble and pull groin muscles on the dance floor?
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