UNDER A MICROSCOPE IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: One of my female co-workers regularly scrutinizes the wardrobe and accessories of all the other co-workers, male and female. Her scrutiny is so detailed that she notices the littlest thing -- even a change in nail polish color, or the buttons on a jacket.

Every time she sees some new clothing or jewelry, she moves in for a closer look and often touches the item. Her comments are not casual, but very detailed. I feel like I am in the army and going through uniform inspection and that she is constantly judging everyone.

Another co-worker has commented to me about this in a joking way, but I suspect she resents it, too. I want to say something to the offending co-worker so that she will stop examining me from head to toe every day. On the other hand, it's a small office and I want to maintain harmony. Any ideas? -- UNDER A MICROSCOPE IN FLORIDA

Your first problem is that you're trying to maintain harmony in an office environment. Office life depends on petty battles like this to make it interesting.

The easiest thing to do is to turn the tables on her. Start noticing things to point out on her wardrobe and accessories. Touch her. Move in close and stay close for longer than seems comfortable. Suggest a few accessories you'd like to see her wear. Mention that you had a dream last night where she was wearing that same exact outfit and then add, "But then it got a little weird. I shouldn't be telling you this." Or when she's the last one to come into the conference room for a meeting, ask her if she's wearing a g-string of simply not wearing any underwear at all.

Another option would be to go a jeweler and purchase a cheap necklace or brooch and have it engraved in tiny letters that say, "By reading this, you are officially violating my personal space." Or simply, "Back off, bitch."

Ideally, whatever action you choose, you will be able to turn the whole office against her. Thus restoring true office harmony.

Your advice, readers?