TEMPTED TO REFUSE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are planning to attend my niece's wedding next month and, as usual, the prospect of being with my family has thrown me into a tizzy. We are simple people -- we are both teachers, and we have raised three great children but no superstars.

My sister and brothers are all wealthy. Their children are excellent scholars and/or athletes, including two who play professionally.

I feel fine about our accomplishments and am proud of our children and what they have done -- that is, until I am around my brothers and sister. Then I beat myself up thinking I wasn't as good a mother as I should have been.

I am tempted to skip this wedding because this happens every single time, and I don't enjoy my visits with them. What do I do? -- TEMPTED TO REFUSE IN THE U.S.A.

Don't worry about whether or not you're a good enough mother. More importantly, you and your children got shortchanged when it came to genetics, which is beyond your control.

Just kidding. But your kids must be thrilled to hear they're not "superstars." Isn't it a mom's job to think this despite all evidence to the contrary? Maybe you are a bad m-- never mind.

From your letter, I can't really tell what type of people your sister and brothers are. Yes, they're "wealthy" and they have children who play professional sports. Ideally, they would also be total douche bags who mocked you for your peasant/teacher lifestyle. Then I could advise you to skip the wedding unless they pay for your travel, 4-star hotel and a solar powered Hummer to transport you from hotel to wedding.

But they could be very kind and generous people who, unfortunately for you, are very successful. You have a "My Kid is an Honor Student at the School I Teach At" bumper sticker on your Windstar minivan, while your siblings polish their kids' Superbowl rings with the Green jacket from the Masters tournament, stuffed with hundred dollar bills. But they do it in a nice way.

The problem is you. Or rather your insecurities. Some part of you is probably hoping someone will pin a medal on your chest (probably iron or stainless steel, definitely not a precious metal) for dedicating your life to educating young minds. But as your signature notes, you live in the U.S.A. and unless you're being portrayed in a movie about an optimistic white teacher changing the lives of inner city minorities, no one cares about the fact that you're a teacher. So your ace card--living a less lucrative but more fulfilling life--isn't really a card you can play.

These trips drive you nuts because you hold on to the belief that you don't have as much money--but you're happier. Then you see them and realize they're happy too. Start acting happier when you see them instead of going into a "tizzy."

Don't worry about winning this round of sibling rivalry--you won't. Go to the wedding and eat all the free catering and alcohol you can cram down your throat. You'll achieve a certain amount of success if you can avoid throwing up crab cakes, caviar and Cristal the next morning.

Your advice, readers?

(PS: Jeer Abby turns 1 month old today!)