BILL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: Wow! I can't believe that "Terri in Johnstown, Pa." (April 7) has the nerve to complain about how her husband washes the dishes or vacuums. She should be grateful her husband isn't like so many other husbands, who sit on the couch while their wives do the dishes themselves.

If you use hot water and good detergent, there are no germs left. I was always taught to wash the dishes first (glasses, plates, silverware), and leave the pans for last. Beyond that the order doesn't matter.

Personally, I do the dishes in order of how they best fit in the drainer, and my wife has never complained. Because "Terri" feels that certain things need to be washed first, perhaps she should suggest that her husband move over so that she can wash and he can rinse.

My wife and I are split on the vacuuming issue. I think you should dust first, then vacuum. My wife seems to think that dusting last will remove the dust stirred up by the vacuum. With today's technology, I really don't think it matters either way.

One of the best lessons I learned while growing up is that if you complain about how somebody is doing something, be prepared to do it yourself. -- BILL IN MICHIGAN

Honestly Bill, if there were a Noble prize for Husbandry (the marital kind, not the animal kind), you would certainly be making a trip to Stockholm to give your acceptance speech.

In your speech, be sure to thank yourself for being so wonderful and proactive in the chores department. You're truly a saint and I'm sure you love going on for great lengths about how you enjoy doing the chores. However, you forgot to mention how you completely ignored chores for twenty-two years until your wife threatened to leave you and you went to a marriage counselor and the best the therapist could do was recommend you vacuum and--this is the most emasculating part--dust.

Dusting, Bill? I don't care how desperately you're trying to save your marriage by equally sharing in chore duty, there is simply no reason for anyone except Alice from the Brady Bunch to dust anything. Get one of those Swiffer things. I picture you prancing around with a feather duster, fearful with the thought that for you, uncleanliness is next to loneliness.

You attempt to make cleaning sound manly: "With today's technology." Maybe if you name dropped Dyson's trademarked Root Cyclone suction system or advances in electrostatic cloth, I would believe the science of cleaning is what interests you. But chores are clearly an attempt to patch up your almost ruined marriage. Look no further than the Freudian "My wife and I are split..." on the vacuuming issue.

You also complain about Terri complaining about washing dishes in a certain order. Then you go on to declare what the proper order should be.

I'm sure you scored some brownie points as your wife looked over your shoulder while you wrote your letter. But leave Terri alone. Her husband is obviously doing all the chores wrong on purpose so Terri will step in and do them properly. Maybe you should be taking notes instead of writing outraged letters.

Your advice, readers?