YOUNG MOM IN OKLAHOMA

I have a 4-year-old who tends to act up from time to time. I have tried "time-outs" and even soft spanking and have taken his privileges away. Nothing seems to work. However, I have found that smashing one of his small toys with a hammer works well. Do you see any danger in this form of punishment? -- YOUNG MOM IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR YOUNG MOM:

Thank you for your question. I spent ten minutes laughing hysterically, the kind of laugh where you can't catch your breath--then I got utterly depressed.

Yes, psychological torture works. If your only aim is to solve the immediate problem of getting him to stop "acting up"--mission accomplished!

Here are some other suggestions you might want to try:

1. Hold a sharp knife to the throat of his favorite stuffed animal and slice the head off after one warning.

2. Hold a cap gun to your head and say that if he doesn't stop his tantrum, you'll kill yourself. Fire the cap gun, fall to the ground in a heap and remain unresponsive for at least one hour. Then rouse yourself like a zombie and pretend you're going to eat him.

3. If he has a cherished pet, hold it's head underwater until he stops crying.

If you're wondering if resorting to violence to get the response you want out of your son will teach him solve his problems with violence, the answer is yes. The only advice I have if you're going to hammer away at his toys is to be sure to instill a mistrust of psychiatry in him so you won't have to pay for the therapy bills he will undoubtedly need.

Your advice, readers?