DEFLOWERED IN PENNSYLVANIA

I am a 28-year-old woman and have been dating a 26-year-old man I'll call "Chris" for four months. We have become good friends. On our last date, the topic of sex came up, and Chris told me that he was a virgin and that it was very important for him to find a girl who had "never been with anyone" either.

Well, Abby, that bridge was burned when I was a teenager. I was honest with Chris about it, which was not easy because I now regret some of the poor choices I made at that time of my life. I am a completely different person now due to a religious conversion and am waiting until I am married to have sex again.

I told Chris this, and asked if he wanted to continue the relationship. His answer was he'd "have to think about it." We are still friends. He says he likes me and still wants us to date.

However, although I care deeply for him, I now feel devalued. I'm afraid this issue is going to cause problems in the future. I believe that purity is an issue more of the heart than the body. If I had known that virginity was so important to Chris, I would never have dated him in the first place. I can't change the past, and I have strong opinions about men who sing "Amazing Grace" in church while insisting on marrying virgins. What should I do? -- DEFLOWERED IN PENNSYLVANIA


DEAR "DEE":

First of all, you refer to losing your virginity by saying "that bridge was burned when I was a teenager." That conjures up quite an image.

You also say "We are still friends." Yes, a friend is what you call someone you like but aren't having sex with.

Here's advice option one: I'm assuming Chris doesn't drink, so you'll need to figure out a way to sneak alcohol or drugs into his system. Once he's throughly hammered, bring in a prostitute to "burn his bridge". From then on, you'll always have the upper hand because you can say, "At least I never screwed a hooker."

I actually like option two better: Tell Chris you are in fact a virgin, but you wanted to test his purity by pretending to be a non-virginal skank. Now that you know he's also pure, you can become engaged, have a wonderful church wedding. Then on your wedding night, announce that you do not believe in post-marital sex. Chris dies a virgin. Game, set, match.

Your advice, readers?