BROKENHEARTED IN PORTLAND, ORE

Long story short, my husband of 11 years and I were having serious marital problems and on the verge of divorce. At the same time, my sister moved in with us -- at my invitation. Apparently, one thing led to another, and she and my husband say they have fallen in love.

My husband and I decided to try and save our marriage. Then, two days later, he and my sister slept together! I kicked both of them out of my house. They think they did nothing wrong because, according to my husband, he has no intention of working anything out with me. I say he's an S.O.B., and my sister is a @#!%#. Am I wrong?

Everyone in my family agrees with me, and I am being painted by my sister and my husband as "turning everyone against her." I say I'm justified.

What makes it harder is I still love them both and have now lost my sister and my best friend, and I don't know what to do. -- BROKENHEARTED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED:

You must cold-heartedly cut both of them out of your life forever--or at least for the few months they stay together, at which point you can have your sister back with an unspoken yet ever-present chasm between you. Even though he's an S.O.B. and she's a @#!%#, I suspect you aren't capable of cutting them out forever. Family drama fuels your sense of victimhood and my guess is that playing the victim looms large in your life.

Of course your family is taking your side on this. But I bet you love twisting the knife in your own wound to try and drain every last drop of sympathy from them. I'll let you in on a secret. Your family was already sick of you complaining about your bad marriage for 11 years. They are thrilled something has sparked a change, even if that change qualifies the whole family for a guest spot on the Jerry Springer show.

You were prepared to divorce this guy. Wouldn't the fact that he boinked your sister--most likely in your bed--be enough to downgrade him from your "best friend."

Stop kidding yourself. You don't "love them both." You love the constant state of drama and chaos you're used to after 11 years of serious marital problems. In that sense, the only advice you're likely to take is to try and win your husband back from your sister. It will never work. It will lead to utter catastrophe. But you will be happy in your own miserable way.

Your advice, readers?