Wednesday, May 16, 2007

THINKING AHEAD IN SYRACUSE


I'm 20 and engaged to a wonderful guy I'll call "Tom." There is only one thing that worries me. Tom's family isn't the best with money, and he doesn't have much money right now. I don't want to be deeply in debt when we're married, and I'm also worried that I will have to be the one with a "head for money." (I'm not. I was overdrawn last year.)

It seems ridiculous to think that money could get in the way of love, but my parents divorced because of financial problems. How can I work this out with Tom before it gets to be a problem? What's the right approach? -- THINKING AHEAD IN SYRACUSE

Wow. You were in debt last year, your fiance is genetically incapable of making sound financial choices, you're planning a wedding--but you still consider yourself "Thinking Ahead."

Let's not forget your own parents divorced because of financial problems. I'm assuming the problem wasn't that they had too much money and couldn't agree on how to spend it all.

You're 20 years old! You can't even legally walk into a bar. Yet somehow your love for "Tom" will overcome the fact that neither of you are equipped to manage your money. Are you purposely trying to make the same mistakes as your parents? Or are you hoping to outdo them?

Look at it this way: you blame his family for not being good with money when your own parents divorced over finances. You're worried that he doesn't have much money when you were overdrawn last year. You turn your problems into his problems. If financial mismanagement doesn't ruin your ill-advised marriage, I'm sure your blameless judgments will at least make both of you completely miserable.

If you were thinking ahead, you'd just file for bankruptcy and divorce right now and skip the wedding.

Your advice, readers?

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