DEAR ABBY: Can you go to Al-Anon if you had a husband who was an alcoholic, but is dead? He committed suicide with a 5.0 blood alcohol level.
I have been a mess for the last two years. I can't sleep, can't concentrate and don't enjoy anything. I would really like to be able to talk with people who understand what living with an alcoholic is like and won't blame me for what he did, as most of his family does. But I hesitate to go to Al-Anon.
What can I do to get over the self-inflicted death of a man I'll never stop loving? -- HURTING IN HOUSTON
Interestingly enough, reading your letter made me want to have a drink, or shoot myself.
I can't imagine anything done with a 5.0 blood alcohol level would be deliberate. The fact that he could commit suicide while being that drunk is impressive in its own way.
You could probably go to Al-Anon (even though the hyphenated spelling reads like a terrorist organization). But why not visit a therapist or support group for spouses of suicides? Clearly you're depressed, which in your situation could easily lead to--surprise!--alcoholism and/or suicide.
You want help, that's great. You don't necessarily need it from the people who could have helped your husband.
And if your husband's family blames you instead of him, they need to start some therapy or to at least stop being such major douche bags.
Your advice, readers?
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Monday, July 30, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
NOT SO BLUE IN EVERETT, WASH.
DEAR ABBY: I have recently begun using Internet dating sites to meet guys in my community. With my busy work and home schedules, I have found this to be a good alternative. The problem I'm having is that some of these sites allow matches to ask if you are emotionally and mentally healthy.
In my case, I have suffered from depression in the past. I have been hospitalized for this issue and have received medication. At this point in my life, I manage my depression with non-drug-related therapies. I no longer need a counselor or a therapist, and have in place strategies for when I feel I'm cycling downward.
How should I respond to gentlemen who are looking for an "emotionally healthy" match? I consider myself "recovering" and do not take my mental health for granted. Your advice would be much appreciated. -- NOT SO BLUE IN EVERETT, WASH.
I think the fact that you're using Internet dating sites to meet guys in your community pretty much implies that you've struggled with depression at some point. The hospitalization part might be something fun to spring on your new man sometime after you've slept with him but before he stops calling you. It will make him feel more guilty/scared about blowing you off.
Just kidding. He won't feel guilty about blowing you off.
I think you should do what everyone on Internet dating sites--and the Internet itself--does and lie. Are you emotionally stable? Yes (as of the moment you answer the question anyway). Are you struggling with depression? No (not since last weekend, which you spent alone and sobbing).
I'm sure that your potential dates are lying about things as well. Are they athletic? Sensitive to the emotional needs of their partner? Any outstanding felonies?
That's the other way to look at this. Perhaps some men aren't looking for an emotionally and mentally healthy girlfriend. Maybe they want you to have issues that will create chaos and drama in their life. How can they reach their full potential as abusive, controlling boyfriends if you don't put your weakest foot forward?
In any case, if you still consider yourself "recovering" from depression, then you're depressed. Maybe not at the moment. But it's a timebomb waiting to go off. Any guy you're serious about should know that bomb exists--and maybe if you open up, he'll let you know about his paranoid schizophrenic disorder he stopped taking medication for.
Your advice, readers?
In my case, I have suffered from depression in the past. I have been hospitalized for this issue and have received medication. At this point in my life, I manage my depression with non-drug-related therapies. I no longer need a counselor or a therapist, and have in place strategies for when I feel I'm cycling downward.
How should I respond to gentlemen who are looking for an "emotionally healthy" match? I consider myself "recovering" and do not take my mental health for granted. Your advice would be much appreciated. -- NOT SO BLUE IN EVERETT, WASH.
I think the fact that you're using Internet dating sites to meet guys in your community pretty much implies that you've struggled with depression at some point. The hospitalization part might be something fun to spring on your new man sometime after you've slept with him but before he stops calling you. It will make him feel more guilty/scared about blowing you off.
Just kidding. He won't feel guilty about blowing you off.
I think you should do what everyone on Internet dating sites--and the Internet itself--does and lie. Are you emotionally stable? Yes (as of the moment you answer the question anyway). Are you struggling with depression? No (not since last weekend, which you spent alone and sobbing).
I'm sure that your potential dates are lying about things as well. Are they athletic? Sensitive to the emotional needs of their partner? Any outstanding felonies?
That's the other way to look at this. Perhaps some men aren't looking for an emotionally and mentally healthy girlfriend. Maybe they want you to have issues that will create chaos and drama in their life. How can they reach their full potential as abusive, controlling boyfriends if you don't put your weakest foot forward?
In any case, if you still consider yourself "recovering" from depression, then you're depressed. Maybe not at the moment. But it's a timebomb waiting to go off. Any guy you're serious about should know that bomb exists--and maybe if you open up, he'll let you know about his paranoid schizophrenic disorder he stopped taking medication for.
Your advice, readers?
Friday, June 8, 2007
HURTING IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 years old and believe I am suffering from chronic depression. I am very emotional and cry a lot. I get good grades, and people say I'm a great baby sitter, but I feel that I'm not good at anything else.
My younger sister, who is 15, is very outgoing and has a lot of friends. I have only a few, so I get jealous.
Now I have started gaining weight to the point that I am no longer "skinny."
About four months ago, my best friend of two years and I stopped getting along, and we haven't spoken since.
I have had counseling for two years. I go every three months, but nothing is changing. Both my parents feel that it is a waste of money. I try to talk to them sometimes, but they just take it as a joke. I am confused about everything, and I am so lonely. Do you have any advice? -- HURTING IN PENNSYLVANIA
Depression? Very emotional? Cries a lot? Confusion and loneliness? My diagnosis is that you're a teenager.
I'm not trying to make light of your misery, the way I usually do with people who write in, but I don't want you to start labeling yourself with ailments. If you're clinically depressed, by all means seek help and start popping those anti-depressants. But if you're just teenage depressed, powder your face white, go heavy on the eyeliner and start listening to whichever goth bands are popular with the kids these days. Ask yourself if perhaps your depression is actually existential angst. Read some Camus or watch Woody Allen movies from the post-Annie Hall era. Revel in your depression because the teenage years are the only time that depression is actually cool.
Also, you wouldn't train for a marathon by running every three months. Maybe you ought to visit the counselor more frequently. If your parents joke about your problems, stop talking to them.
You're a good babysitter. My advice is to start saving your money so you can go off to college next year and get far away from your friends, family and the town that make you feel like sh**.
Your advice, readers?
My younger sister, who is 15, is very outgoing and has a lot of friends. I have only a few, so I get jealous.
Now I have started gaining weight to the point that I am no longer "skinny."
About four months ago, my best friend of two years and I stopped getting along, and we haven't spoken since.
I have had counseling for two years. I go every three months, but nothing is changing. Both my parents feel that it is a waste of money. I try to talk to them sometimes, but they just take it as a joke. I am confused about everything, and I am so lonely. Do you have any advice? -- HURTING IN PENNSYLVANIA
Depression? Very emotional? Cries a lot? Confusion and loneliness? My diagnosis is that you're a teenager.
I'm not trying to make light of your misery, the way I usually do with people who write in, but I don't want you to start labeling yourself with ailments. If you're clinically depressed, by all means seek help and start popping those anti-depressants. But if you're just teenage depressed, powder your face white, go heavy on the eyeliner and start listening to whichever goth bands are popular with the kids these days. Ask yourself if perhaps your depression is actually existential angst. Read some Camus or watch Woody Allen movies from the post-Annie Hall era. Revel in your depression because the teenage years are the only time that depression is actually cool.
Also, you wouldn't train for a marathon by running every three months. Maybe you ought to visit the counselor more frequently. If your parents joke about your problems, stop talking to them.
You're a good babysitter. My advice is to start saving your money so you can go off to college next year and get far away from your friends, family and the town that make you feel like sh**.
Your advice, readers?
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