MS. "D" IN GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My thanks to "Lauren in Cave Creek, Ariz." (March 19) for raising the subject of concert etiquette. It's one of those awkward subjects because everyone knows there is a proper way to do it, but no one knows what the proper way is.

When attending a concert, look carefully at your program. Often it will indicate where to clap. If not, determine how the musical pieces are arranged. Are they in sets of two or three pieces? If so, clap after the set is completed, NOT after each individual piece. The pieces in a set were arranged to flow one into the other. Clapping breaks the flow and mood the composer was trying to convey.

And while we're on the subject of concert manners: As a musician and music teacher, I attend many concerts every year, and I'm appalled at the number of people who talk in the middle of a musical number. Whispering to your neighbor between pieces is fine, but talking during a musical number at a concert or dance recital (or during an act of a play or musical) is a big no-no! Please get the word out, Abby. This is something everyone should know. -- MS. "D" IN GARLAND, TEXAS

Oh, Ms. "D", thank you for giving people one more reason not to attend any sort of performing arts. It's bad enough most people aren't sure if they'll enjoy classical music concerts, but knowing that they'll be surrounded by judgmental prigs like yourself is sure to keep them away.

Also, since all those guys like Beethoven, Mozart and whoever wrote "Kill the Wabbit" are dead, I don't think they'll mind if someone "breaks the flow and mood" of their "pieces." Weren't they playing those songs on clavichords in royal parlors wearing powdered wigs? Times have changed. Don't start waving the self-righteous banner of propriety just because an audience wants to show the performers they're enjoying themselves.

But I think you're more concerned with the properly smug way to appreciate music than the actual music itself. So please keep driving people away with your etiquette lessons for the Neanderthals in the seat next to you. You'll have your dream world where no one claps or talks at your concerts because no one but snobs like you will be there to "appreciate" it.

I'm sure all the dead composers and unemployed musicians will appreciate your vigilance for the arts.

Your advice, readers?