MICHIGAN MINISTER

DEAR ABBY: I feel compelled to comment about the letter from "Miffed Pro in South Carolina" (April 20), the professional photographer who complained about guests taking photographs at weddings.

I am a clergyperson who has seen more than my share of rude, incompetent professional photographers. I have seen them attempt to set up tripods at the altar, leaving no room for the wedding party to stand. I have seen them squat in the middle of the aisle, stopping each couple as they approach to get a "candid" shot. I have cleaned up front pews cluttered with their camera cases and jackets thrown over the altar, delaying the start of the ceremony.

After the wedding, they set up equipment, checking lighting and settings interminably until the bride has lost every bit of "glow" and the candles have burned to stumps. One bride finally shouted, "Enough!" and burst into tears because she wanted to go to her reception.

Ultimately, the bride and groom are often left with substandard photos at a premium price. This, I believe, is why guests bring their own cameras -- so they can capture some fun-filled memories of the day that are affordable. -- MICHIGAN MINISTER

It's great to hear a minister (or clergyperson, whatever the hell that is) rip into someone without invoking the Seven Deadly Sins. Is there some sort of Eleventh Commandment about not setting up tripods near the maid of honor?

It's so easy to get angry with these "professionals" and all their fancy light meters and camera cases. But no matter how annoying photographers are, it's going to be awfully hard to find a bride who isn't going to pay a premium price even for substandard pictures, most of which will be black and white for that artistic touch. Because if you leave it up to your friends to take all the photos at your wedding, all of your documented memories of that day will be your old high school pals flipping off the camera and making crude sexual gestures. Overpaying for photos is just as much a part of a wedding as exchanging rings or grooms getting forty-five lap dances the night before.

But seriously, a clergyperson ripping into a photographerperson about wedding etiquette? As if no minister had ever gone on a tad too long or tried to make everything sound so holy and consecrated that it ruined the honeymoon night.

Your biggest mistake is assuming that the reason people bring cameras to weddings is to capture "fun-filled memories" that are "affordable." What they're really trying to do is capture how much weight the bride has gained, how bald the groom has become and how drunk the maid of honor got so they can email those pictures to all the old friends who didn't get invited to the wedding.

Your advice, readers?