Wednesday, June 13, 2007

GOING NOWHERE IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-20s, male, an only child, and I came late in life.

Both of my parents are disabled -- one with a host of ailments, and the other with a very bad back. Both are on disability and don't do well on their own.

I made a decision early in young adulthood to drop out of high school and take care of my parents. I got a part-time job and stayed home the rest of the time to help with "around-the-house chores." I have stayed with my parents now for quite a while, and they are mostly dependent on me.

At the risk of sounding selfish, I know they won't be around much longer, and I don't want to be stuck holding the bag when they pass on, with no high school diploma, no higher education and only part-time employment experience.

Don't get me wrong. I love my parents with all my heart, and I don't want to leave them high and dry. What can I do? -- GOING NOWHERE IN IDAHO

No good deed goes unpunished. Who could possibly blame you for wanting to take care of your ailing and presumably elderly parents? Who, besides Jeer Abby, I should say, because I think you've made a horrible blunder--and I don't mean continuing to live in Idaho.

Your big mistake is assuming that they won't be around much longer. You've got this heroic image of staying with them until the end--which you're guessing is some time before the next legal holiday. But if I had to peg two personality types to live a long time, it would be someone with "a host of ailments" or else someone with a "very bad back." The only other type I'd throw in there would be someone who smokes and drinks everyday and eats no less than five pounds of red meat per week.

My point is: these people do not die. They live very long and miserable lives filled with complaints. Unless your parents had you when they were in their late 60s, I'd guess they'll still be kicking when you're in your mid-30s.

Also, consider the fact that your parents planned your birth for this very reason. As they got older, they realized they would need an offspring to care for them in the waning years. So your birth was simply an insurance plan.

The only way you're doing the right thing is if there's a substantial inheritance involved. It's going to be tough getting your GED in your mid-twenties or thirties and the only other job you're qualified for is taking care of other people's ailing, elderly parents.

Don't waste your life waiting for your parents to kick the bucket.


Your advice, readers?

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