DEPRESSED IN BOULDER, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend is being married this summer to a man who is abusive. She is in denial about his extreme, sometimes violent, jealous and controlling behavior. Recently, he threw coffee in her face while she was driving and caused an accident. He blamed it all on her, and she accepted the blame.

He punches holes in the walls when they fight. Once he even broke a bone in his hand. He constantly accuses her of cheating, and when they're together, he watches her like a hawk and she won't leave his side.

She asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I am not comfortable with it because I would not be able to celebrate the occasion. Her fiance knows how I feel. He doesn't like me, and the feeling is mutual.

What should I tell her? In the past I told her that marrying him would be a big mistake, and she got very angry. Your advice would be appreciated. -- DEPRESSED IN BOULDER, COLO.

How dare you turn your back on your friend on her special day. Sure, she's marrying a violent, coffee-scalding psychopath, but when it comes to weddings, color me a romantic.

Assuming no hot beverages are served, and no semi-attractive males are invited, the wedding should be a spectacular affair! Tears will roll down your eyes watching as they exchange vows with the bride holding a bouquet and the groom holding a revolver to her head, waiting to hear those romantic words, "I do, just please don't shoot."

Just because he's abusive and jealous while they're dating doesn't mean he'll be that way after getting married. My guess is that he's just a little nervous about tying the knot, so he's tightens the noose around her neck. Marriage was designed specifically to solve all the problems people have in relationships.

So swallow your pride and be a bridesmaid. As a gift suggestion, may I suggest you give her something useful. Either a drywall patching kit or a 9mm pistol that can't be traced.

Your advice, readers?